[ Male Chorus Chanting ] § Treguna, Mekoides §
§ Trecorum Satis Dee §
§ Treguna, Mekoides §
§ Trecorum Satis Dee §
§ Treguna, Mekoides §
§ Trecorum Satis Dee §
§ Treguna, Mekoides §
§ Trecorum Satis Dee §§
[ Seagulls Cawing ]
- You, there. Which way to Pepperinge Eye ? - Couldn't say, sir.
It said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.
I'm not a Nazi. I'm a British officer.
That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi, isn't it, sir ?
Drive on, Corporal.
[ Dog Barking ]
- Sorry to give you so many, but you do have six bedrooms. - Oh, no trouble, my dear.
Anything to get the poor things away from those terrible bombings in London.
Come along, love. Dear, scoot.
Hey, what about us ?
- Oh, yes. What is your name, please ? - awlins, ma'am.
Rawlins ? Rawlins. Oh, yes, here we are.
Carrie, Charles,
Paul.
You're for Miss Price. I'm expectin' her in.
[ Man ] Halt! Who goes there ?
I won't be a moment. Please don't touch anything.
Blast it, fellow ! Put down that ridiculous thing !
Bit of rust comes from standing in the cellar.
How should I know you is a British officer ?
- Now, what's all this ? - They've just seen Fifth Columns around here.
Claims he's lost, asking suspicious questions.
Madam, will you tell this man that I'm Captain Ainsley Greer,
attached to army headquarters at Tidbury,
and I'm not to be menaced by that grotesque object !
- Please be calm, Captain. - I'm exceptionally calm,
if one considers, as we stand dithering here,
our country is in the grip of crisis.
There's an immediate prospect of invasion, however remote,
but dash it, anyway, I choose this godforsaken part of the country !
Captain, we may have been out of things for the last few hundred years,
but we pride ourselves on the history of this village.
May I remind the captain, during the eighth and ninth centuries,
the marauding Danes frequently came ashore in this precise area.
Fascinating. Now may I inquire, who is in charge here ?
I am postmistress and chairman of the War Activities Committee.
Oh, you don't also command the Home Guard, do you ?
I do not. That is General Sir Brian Tiegler,
late of His Majesty's Royal Northumberland Fugleliers.
# Call out the navy Call out the ranks #
# Call out the air force Call out the tanks #
# From the Cliffs of Dover Call up the gulls #
#And don't forget the loyal territorials #
# But who's digging in here Who will defend #
# Every inch of England no matter what they send #
#Who's standing firm in our own front yard #
#The soldiers of the old Home Guard, that's who #
#The soldiers of the old Home Guard #
# For we wrote the story of the old brigade #
#We know the glory of yesterday's parades #
#Who's standing firm in our own front yard #
#The soldiers of the old Home Guard, that's who #
#The soldiers of the old Home Guard ##
Parade, ready. Halt !
Permission to dismiss the parade, sir !
Carry on, Sergeant.
Parade, dismissed !
Captain Greer, sir, from headquarters at Tidbury,
here to check military preparations in the area.
Tell them Pepperinge Eye has matters well in hand.
- But nevertheless, I-- - [ Loud Sputtering Sound ]
What on earth is that ?
Good morning, General. I received your message, Mrs. Hobday.
I assume that my parcel has arrived.
- It's in the office. - Ah, lovely.
- Who is that ? - Miss Price. Splendid woman.
Her late father served with me at Vimy Ridge.
What does she burn in this thing ? It smells a bit like sulphur.
Ridiculous. One can't make motor fuel out of sulphur.
Here we are-- another object from Professor Emelius Browne in London.
Thank you.
- Is it what you expected ? - I imagine so.
Professor Browne sent you a cat last time, did he not ?
- Yes. - [ Bells Jingling ]
- Professor Browne is well ? - I haven't the faintest idea.
Are we to have the pleasure of meeting him ?
I very much doubt it. I don't know Professor Browne personally.
- Was there something else ? - As a matter of fact, there is. Would you come this way ?
- Well, I'm very anxious to get home, you know. - Come along, please.
- [ Children Yelling ] - [ Boy ] Get down, Charlie. I want to ride!
- Stop it this instant ! - [ Yelling Stops ]
Children, this is Miss Price.
- Carrie, Charles and Paul Rawlins all the way from London. - How do you do ?
- How are you, miss ? - Hello. - Hi.
The government are trying to evacuate as many children as possible into the country.
- Very sensible of them. - Today they sent us 45.
And I've had to find homes for all of them at very short notice.
These are the last three. All right, children, pick up your things.
[ Clattering ]
You're not suggesting that I should take these children into my house ?
- Exactly. - Oh, I'm sorry, but that's quite out of the question.
Children and I don't get on.
I believe you, miss. Come on, back to London.
- [ Paul ] Hooray! - Be quiet !
- Besides, I have work to do. Very important work. - Uh, Miss Price.
You do have that entire house to yourself.
And according to the order of the ministry of civil defense, you have no choice.
I see. Very well.
If that is the case, I shall take them into my house with the understanding...
that you find a more suitable home as soon as possible.
Fine. Come along.
- Uh, good morning, Miss Price. - Good morning.
There they are ! Miss Price, what a charitable thing you are doing,
taking in these poor unfortunates from the city.
- Hold this very carefully. - I wonder, Miss Price, if I may drop by later this afternoon.
- Why ? - We have their spiritual needs to consider now.
That won't be necessary. They won't be with me for long.
- [ Engine Starts ] - Ooh !
[ Engine Sputtering, Knocking ]
Upon occasion, one does feel alarm for Miss Price,
alone, unprotected, living in that desolate lane.
One does admire her so tremendously.
One also admires Miss Price's sturdy house,
the four acres of desirable land and the fine prospect overlooking the sea.
- Does one not ? - [ Chuckling ]
I shall be frank.
One needs an anchor of domesticity,
a feeling that one has a cozy place to return to...
as one fares forth to do heaven's work.
Oh, how is the vicar ?
His wound is better, thank you.
Oh, how marvelous for the vicar...
to be struck down not in his gathering old age,
but on the field of battle,
bringing in the wounded and the helpless.
Will you be taking his place ? In the army, I mean.
Alas-- [ Coughing ]
if I only could.
My quinsy, you know.
[ Continues Coughing ]
My parcel, please.
Bring your things inside.
Bit murky, ain't it ?
Yeah. Not another house around here for miles.
Wipe your feet.
Big place, this. Who else lives here ?
I live alone. It suits my purpose.
All right. Come along, everybody.
- [ Hisses ] - [ All Gasping ]
[ Cat Yowling ]
Sorry, miss. The cat startled us.
No need for alarm. You just frightened him, that's all.
- [ Meows ] - Yes, scared to death.
You can see that.
- What do you call your cat ? - I don't believe in giving animals ridiculous names.
I call him Cosmic Creepus, because that's the name he came with.
You will sleep in here.
This was my father's bedroom, and I want you to be very careful of everything in it.
- You boys take the bed there. - All right, miss.
- What was your name ? - It's Carrie, miss.
- Carrie, you sleep on the sofa in there. - Thank you, miss.
- Is that all you brought ? - We ain't exactly burdened down with frillies.
Travel light, that's us.
Well, I don't think this arrangement is going to work,
but it seems that I have no alternative.
- We'll do our best, miss. Really, we will. - Thank you, Carrie.
The bathroom is along the landing. Supper is at 6:00.
- You will wash thoroughly-- - Wash ?
You will wash yourselves, otherwise there will be no supper.
Is that clear ?
- [ Door Closes ] - A house of horror, that's what we've come to.
[ Whispering ] I'll get his clothes, okay ? I'll get your clothes.
Please don't bother to whisper. I am exceptionally keen of hearing.
You are planning to run back to London.
If you have any more plotting to do, please do it elsewhere where I shan't have to listen.
I want you all to sit down after supper and write to your parents and tell them that you are well.
- We has no parents, Miss Price. - Who do you live with then ?
Aunt Bessie. She took care of us.
Still, she wasn't even a real aunt, was she ?
But don't you know anything about your own parents ?
I don't remember anything. Aunt Bessie knew once, but she don't anymore.
Why is that ?
Three nights ago, the bombs were gettin' a bit close, so I took Charlie and Paul...
down to the underground to sleep.
Aunt was working late, and she got home the same time as one ofJerry's bombs.
I'm sure your aunt was a very kind woman.
Yes, ma'am, she was.
I'm afraid I don't know much about what children eat. You'll have to make do as I do.
Is there anything particular that you fancy ?
Sausage and Mash. Bubble and Squeak. Toad in the Hole.
Fried fish. Oh, anything at all.
I'm afraid you won't find any fried foods in this house.
- [ Charlie ] No fried food? - No.
- How do you keep your health ? - What's all that ?
Cabbage buds, rose hips,
glyssop seed, elm bark, whortle yeast and, uh, stewed nettles.
And in the pot there, mango wuzzle jam.
Mango wuzzle ?
Yes, very nourishing.
For what we are about to receive, let us be truly thankful.
[ Door Creaking ]
[ Meows ]
'' Dear madam, with this shipment,
the Emelius Browne Correspondence College of Witchcraft...
sends you its heartiest congratulations on qualifying...
for the first degree of your chosen calling.
You may now call yourself 'apprentice witch.'
Yours faithfully, Emelius Browne. ''
My first broom.
Time to go. Everybody up.
- Wake up, Paul. We're going back to London. - [ Moaning ]
Now, let's see how we fly this thing.
Here we are.
''Clasp the broom with both hands.''
Yes, of course.
Mmm.
'' No, never astride the broom.'' Yes, of course.
''Technically a witch is always a lady,
except when circumstances dictate otherwise.
Take an easy, graceful, sideways position.''
Of course. That's much better.
An easy, graceful, sideways position.
There we are. How's that ?
''Now, to start up the broom, your basic formula--
Lakipo, Nikrif, Scrumpet, Leetch !''
I wasn't ready.
[ Meows ]
'' Lakipo, Nikrif, Scrumpet, Leetch.''
- [ Meows Quietly ] - Now watch this.
- [ Groans ] - Here we go.
Lakipo, Nikrif, Scrumpet, Leetch !
[ Meows ]
[ Grunts ]
It's going to be a little different this time.
[ Long Meow ]
All right. I know it's not ladylike.
Lakipo, Nikrif, Scrumpet, Leetch !
- Cor ! - What's the matter ?
- How does she do that ? - 'Cause she's a witch.
- That's the sort of thing witches do. - Oh.
Ohh !
Aaah !
Whoo !
She don't fly good, do she ?
[ Groaning ]
- Aaah ! - She's crashed !
Come on ! Now's our chance to hop it.
- Suppose she's hurt ? - Go on ! You can't hurt a witch.
Look out !
She's proper cross now. Let's get away from here.
Hang on. I'm havin' a bit of a think.
A witch she is, says you.
Then let's use the old loaf, says I.
- Let's get back to London. - What we have here is an opportunity.
She don't want anyone to know she's a witch, does she ?
- Not ruddy likely. - That's the opportunity.
And I intend to make the most of it. Come on.
- Bran porridge. - Thank you, miss.
Very healthful, I'm sure.
Hurt your foot, Miss Price ?
Oh,just twisted my ankle.
- Sorry to hear that. - Thank you. It's nothing serious.
Lovely weather for flying last night.
Why did you say that, Charles ?
Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are.
I see.
Don't worry, Miss Price. No one's gonna peach on ya.
Thank you.
I should be most grateful if you didn't tell anyone in the village.
Of course, there'll have to be one or two little changes made around here.
I mean, I'd like to see an occasional sausage on the table here,
a bit of strawberry jam.
- [ Carrie ] Charlie! - Let me handle this.
And another thing, Miss Price.
There'll be no more of this wash, wash, wash, morning and night.
Anything else ?
Now you mention it,
I could do with a bit of lolly.
- Lolly ? - [ Growls ]
Cash. Cold, hard cash. You must have buckets of it.
For your information, the most accomplished of witches...
can't make money out of thin air.
Have you ever heard of a rich witch ?
Be that as it may, you don't want us to blab, do you ?
Have you considered what danger you might be in ?
I am a witch, you know.
-[ Hisses ] -What will you do, turn me into a toad ?
Lovely. A toad with pink eyes.
I might just do that.
- Go on, then. I dare you. - Very well, Charles.
- You shouldn't have said that to her. - She don't frighten me.
She can't even ride a proper broom.
Excuse me, Charles.
'' Filigree, Apogee,
Pedigree, Perigee.''
- Oh, Charlie ! - [ Growls ]
That's better than a toad. That's a rabbit !
Bother ! I never seem to be able to manage toads.
[ Meows ]
- Stop ! Leave him alone ! - [ Growls, Meows ]
- Don't let Charlie get hurt. - Oh, not to worry. My spells don't last very long.
I'm just an apprentice witch, you know.
[ Growling ]
[ Growling Continues ]
Look out, Charlie !
- You flaming brute ! - [ Screeches ]
I'll teach you to do that to me !
Let Cosmic Creepus alone. It weren't his fault.
I'm afraid it's my fault. Bad enough not being able to manage a broom.
I can't perform a simple, basic spell.
You dared her to do it. I don't see why we can't all be friends.
- Maybe she's not a wicked witch. - Of course I'm not.
- See ? - If only I could trust you.
You see, the work I'm doing is so important to the war effort.
- How do you mean ? - I mean exceptionally important.
Most secret.
What do you say, Charlie ? We can keep a secret.
Yeah. If someone made it worth our while.
I don't follow.
Simple--you give us something valuable to seal the pact.
[ Carrie ] Oh, Charlie, don't try to be clever again.
It's for her own protection, ain't it ?
If we broke the pact, we'd have to give back the valuable object.
I think it's an excellent idea.
I wonder what I could give you.
Would you settle for one of my spells ?
Bet that's not worth much.
Come with me.
I like you better as a rabbit, Charlie.
- Shut up, you. - Well, I never had a rabbit.
This is my workroom.
No one has ever seen it before. Come along.
It's all right.
Careful what you touch in here.
Rum sort of place, ain't it ?
When I signed for my witchcraft course, there was a free bonus--
a certain marvelous traveling spell, if you paid promptly in advance.
- I think I'll give you that one. - Is it valuable ?
Certainly.
Poisoned dragon's liver ?
Poisoned dragon liver.
You mean, you poison the dragon or just the liver ?
Well, it comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment.
Ah, here we are. The traveling spell.
All right, everybody, gather around.
All right, now, let's see.
Does any one of you have a bracelet or a ring or something...
that you can twist ?
- No, Miss Price. - What about you, Paul ?
Always carry a few things around with me.
Never know when they might come in useful.
Piece of blue glass, lovely bit of string.
Horseshoe nail.
- What's that ? - Knob come from the bed upstairs.
- It twists, don't it ? - Yeah, it twisted right off.
Yes, I think that will be all right.
Carrie, turn the light down a little bit, will you ?
Hellebore, Henbane, Aconite.
Glowworm fire, firefly light !
There. Isn't that pretty ?
Is that all we get ?
This knob will now work the famous traveling spell.
And what's the famous traveling spell ?
How does it work ?
Well, you take this knob and put it back on the bed upstairs,
then turn it smartly a quarter turn to the left.
Then in a firm, clear voice, tell it where you want to go, and the bed will take you there.
- Go on ! - Miss Price, will it, really ?
Well, I see no reason to think otherwise.
Oh, thank you for the lovely gift.
Oh, I'm sorry, but it does belong to Paul. He's the only one who can work the spell.
- Me ? - Yes.
That's right. Mine, weren't it ?
-That's the way the spell works. -Nice mess he'll make of things.
[ Ringing ]
Oh, bother. You children run upstairs.
But mind you don't try anything with the bedknob until I get back.
[ Kicks Post ]
Good morning, Miss Price.
I was just admiring the sound workmanship of your lovely house.
- Yes ? - I was in the village...
and as I was taking my morning constitutional,
Mrs. Hobday asked if I might...
deliver this letter to you.
Oh, and I must say I did welcome the opportunity of having another chat with you.
- I always find them so refreshing. - Thank you very much.
[ Emelius Browne's Voice ] Dear Madame, it grieves me to inform you...
that due to the war we have been forced to close down our college of witchcraft.
This means that we shall not be sending you the final lesson...
in which you expressed so much interest.
[ Carrie ] We were wondering what was keeping you.
- I've had some very bad news. - Is there anything we can do ?
No. No, thank you.
Yes.
- Yes, there is something that Paul can do. - Me ?
Paul, I need the bedknob back. I must get to London immediately.
No, I want to go to the jungle.
- Oh, I know, but-- - [ Charlie ] Wait a moment.
-I'll handle this. - Charlie, be careful.
What you're saying, Miss Price, is you now wish to take the object...
which you gave to an innocent child...
and get him mixed up in some kind of witch's hanky-panky.
Well, yes, in a way, but--
Well, a few odd shillings might fix matters up, as you might say.
No, Charles. Money has got nothing to do with it...
and, as a matter of fact, neither have you.
Come with me, Paul.
Now, Paul, ridiculous as it may seem to have to explain this to a six-year-old child,
- but I do need your help. - Go ahead.
I was expecting a very important spell in the mail...
from my teacher, Professor Emelius Browne, and it hasn't come.
What's that got to do with my knob ?
I must go to London immediately and see Professor Browne.
With his help, we may be able to bring this war to a successful end.
That is why I need the knob.
What is your decision ?
Thank you, Paul.
I brought this for your hair, Carrie. It may be windy.
Thank you. Oh, it's ever so nice.
Paul, have you been to the bathroom ?
- Twice. - Good.
Charles, you better put on something warmer. The bed may travel quite fast.
I'm not going. I'm staying right here.
But why, Charlie ?
All that rubbish about a traveling bed. It won't work.
- That's why. - Carrie, help me to pull the bed out.
We don't want to scratch the wall when we take off, do we ?
Now, how's a ruddy big bed like that gonna get out of this room...
with those little windows ?
I don't know, Charles.
There's a great many things about magic that I don't know. We'll just have to find out.
Lovely. Just so's you leave me out of it.
I don't fancy making a fool of myself.
What's come over you lately, Charlie ? You're no fun anymore.
Help me to tidy up the bed, Carrie. We don't want to go to London with an unmade bed.
- How old is Charles ? - Eleven, going on twelve.
I see. That's what my father used to call ''the age of not believing.''
What's that supposed to be ?
#When you rush around in hopeless circles #
# Searching everywhere for something true #
§ You're at the age of not believing §
#When all the make-believe is through #
That's Charlie to a ''T.''
§ When you set aside your childhood heroes §
#And your dreams are lost upon a shelf #
§ You're at the age of not believing §
#And worst of all you doubt yourself #
Throw that into the wastebasket.
#You're a castaway where no one hears you #
# On a barren isle in a lonely sea #
What's that supposed to be, poetry ?
#Where did all the happy endings go #
#Where can all the good times be #
Everyone on the bed who's going.
#You must face the age of not believing #
§ Doubting everything you ever knew § The knob, Paul.
# Until at last you start believing #
#There's something wonderful in you ##
Lovely sentiment, I'm sure.
- Are you ready, Paul? - Yes, Miss Price.
[ Miss Price ] Now, when I say go,
tap the knob three times and turn it a quarter turn to the left.
- Left. - That's it.
Now, we better hold on tight.
The behavior of the bed is something I'm not quite sure of.
Here, let me breathe a little.
All right, Paul ? Ready... go.
One, two, three.
[ Cat Growling ]
Nothing happened.
- That's very odd. - I told you it wouldn't work.
Of course. How stupid of me.
We didn't tell the object where we wanted to go.
Now, Paul, repeat after me.
Take us to Professor Emelius Browne.
Take us to Professor...
- Emelius Browne. - Very good.
Headmaster,
Correspondence College of Witchcraft.
Headmaster, Correspondence College--
- [ Miss Price ] Of Witchcraft, London. - [ Growling ]
[ Paul ] Of Witchcraft, London.
Now, go.
[ Paul ] One, two, three.
[ Growls ]
[ Screeches ]
- Is this London ? - Of course it is.
-Can't you smell that lovely sooty air ? -Marvelous, ain't it ?
- Well, Charles, are you convinced by now ? - Not yet, I ain't.
- I don't see no Professor Browne. - Neither do I, in point of fact.
You children look after the bed while I make inquiries for Mr. Browne.
I told you this flaming bed wouldn't work.
- Oh, Charlie, don't start that again. - It didn't work proper.
- This bed was supposed to take us to Professor Browne. - Look !
[ Paul ] Professor Browne.
Come on.
Oy, wait a moment. We can't leave the bed there.
[ Carrie ] Push.
- Which way did he go ? - I don't know. Let's try this.
- [ Carrie ] Push ! - Hurry up !
Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round, please ! Ladies and gentlemen !
Please note the name, ladies and gentlemen-- Professor Emelius Browne.
I am here to divert, to amuse and, yes, even to help you.
How can I enrich your lives ?
My humble talents are at your command.
Ah, madam, what have we here ?
- You said you were stony broke. - I don't keep money in me ear.
- It's a trick. - Yes, madam, a trick.
Or to use a kinder word, an illusion.
But what isn't, in these troubled times ?
We live in a world of fakery and false images.
There he is !
It is not what things are.
It is what they seem to be. Is that not so, madam ?
That ain't the kind of professor I expected.
I'm not sure it's the kind of professor Miss Price expected either.
You see, it really doesn't matter what I do, what I do,
as long as I do it...
with a flair.
What effect a little smoke is.
With a dash of hocus-pocus and the scent of burning--
And the scent of burning sulphur in the air.
§ I'm a fraud, a hoke a charlatan, a joke §
- # But they love me everywhere # - Thank you !
Thank you!
And now, ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick,
may I draw your attention to this solid piece of ordinary window glass...
framed in an ordinary unprepared frame.
May I also draw your attention to this perfectly ordinary steel nail.
Now, I shall place the framed glass...
in this brown, unprepared-- unprepared, mark you, ladies and gentlemen--
unprepared brown paper bag.
I shall now attempt to drive the steel nail through the glass...
without breaking the glass.
''Impossible,'' I can hear you say. We shall see.
[ Glass Breaking, Pieces Clattering ]
He ain't very good, even if he is a professor.
§ And it really doesn't matter what I say, what I say §
§ As long as I say it with a flair§
# First I rattle off a ready stock #
# Of gibberish and poppycock #
#And fix you with my best hypnotic stare #
#With my moans and groans and soporific tones #
#They have cheered me everyone #
# For it really doesn't matter what I say, what I say #
# I sell it when I tell it with a ''seemus alabeem'' #
#The magicians' nursery rhyme #
Abra... cadabra !
#You succumb-- ooh-- to it every time #
#Wave a stick And each trick #
#Will mystify and disarm #
# In fact, to coin a fitting phrase #
- # It works # - [ Clattering ]
[ Metal Rod Falls On Ground ]
Ooh ! [ Groans ]
# Like a charm #
# So it really doesn't matter what I brew, what I brew #
#As long as I brew it with a flair #
#Though I've never cast a magic spell #
# I make the motions very well #
# My showmanship is far beyond compare #
# I'm a rogue, a rake a mountebank of fake #
# But I do whate'er I dare #
What a waste of fresh eggs.
They ain't fresh. Smell.
# For it really doesn't matter #
#What I do, what I do #
#You buy my charms and poxes 'cause they come in fancy boxes #
#To improve your ugly daughter I've a vial of colored water #
#And my magic incantations can be framed as decorations #
#Though there's really nothing to it and, of course, you all see through it #
#You love me 'cause I do it #
#With a flair ##
Now, friends, I tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to offer you my entire stock of magic-- No, ladies, please don't go.
The prices are so low, you will never cease to marvel at them.
Don't leave now and regret lost opportunities later.
You, young sir, would you care to warble like the storied nightingale ?
With this inexpensive device,
you can charm the very birds down from the trees, like so--
[ Chirping ]
- How much ? - For you, sir, one penny.
One copper coin of the realm.
[ Blowing ]
Carrie, I'm very surprised at you wandering off like this.
- We found him for you, miss. We found Professor Browne. - [ Paul Continues Blowing ]
- Don't work. I've been cheated. - Is that Professor Browne ?
It is, indeed, my dear. How may I serve you ?
Would you be interested in the mating call of the Brazilian Matouacan bird,
known as the bird of love ? [ Chirping ]
Very useful, eh ?
You are the headmaster of the Emelius Browne Correspondence College of Witchcraft ?
The late headmaster. The college, alas, is now defunct.
Professor Browne, I am one of your pupils.
My dear lady, you are, indeed, an ornament to the college.
- Splendid. - Not at all.
I was shocked and dismayed...
when you closed down the college without that most important last lesson.
I'm sorry, my dear. No refunds. Look at your contract.
But I must have the spell that comes with the last lesson.
The matter is closed. I bid you good day.
I have an appointment at my club for squash rackets.
The matter is not closed. Don't let him get away.
Righto !
- I got him ! - Leave go of me. Would you mind--
- Would you mind letting go of my leg. - [ Charlie ] Flush him out!
Will you get this child off my leg ? Would you get this child--
Filigree, Apogee, Pedigree, Perigee !
Cor !
Now I trust you'll behave more like a gentleman.
Look out !
Well, there goes another rabbit.
- What was that all about ? - I changed you into a rabbit with one of your own spells.
My spell ? From my school ?
Not one of your best spells, in point of fact.
It doesn't last very long. Some of your others are much better.
But I don't understand. My spell ?
They were just nonsense words that I got out of an old book !
Well, they work perfectly well for me.
They work for you ?
Good woman, some kind of destiny has brought us together.
You got the words for these spells out of some old book, you say ?
Well, more or less. I-I changed them around a bit.
I gave them a bit of my own style, as it were.
The old sorcerers did have a bit of a tendency to waffle on.
But, dear lady, I never thought I'd meet somebody like you.
What a treasure.
Mr. Browne, will you please stick to the point.
I would like to see this book immediately.
Certainly. It's at my new townhouse.
Would you care to join me for luncheon ?
We can discuss my ideas at the same time.
Thank you. We'd be delighted.
We ? Do these three jackals belong to you ?
Well, not exactly. However, we shall all go together.
- On the bed ? - On the bed, Paul.
- Come along. - [ Bell Tolling ]
You go 'round the other side. I always travel on the left.
Will you give the address to Paul, please ?
May I ask how we are going to get there on this bed ? Fly ?
My dear Professor Browne, with your own traveling spell,
the one you gave with the course as a bonus.
My traveling spell ? That works as well ?
-Just give the address, please. - 8 Wynchfield Road.
Bed, take us to 8 Wynchfield Road.
Madam, is this vehicle safe ?
Oh, perfectly safe.
A bit theatrical perhaps, but then most good spells are.
Well, we're here. I would never have believed it.
You must have given us the wrong address. You don't live here, do you ?
In point of fact, I do. Temporarily, at any rate.
I found the front door open, the house was deserted.
Everyone has left the neighborhood.
Now, why should they do that ?
This probably has something to do with it.
[ Miss Price ] Merciful heavens!
I should think you'd be terrified at the very idea of living here.
You'd have thought so. I am, by nature, well, a little bit of a coward.
But then I pondered, as I often do.
In the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object...
is probably the best friend I've ever had.
It enables me, for the first time in my life, to live like a king.
Shall we go in ?
Rothchild '26-- noble, worldly-wise,
but with a charming touch of innocence, wouldn't you say ?
Mr. Browne, the book-- where is it ?
Dear lady, you are relentless.
The book is in the library, and we shall proceed there after finishing our cheese and wine.
Why do you keep the curtains closed ?
So that we may enjoy the gentle glow of candlelight.
More likely so's a copper don't peek in and catch you hidin' out here.
Now, why don't you young things have a look around the house ?
- I want to have a chat with Miss Price. - May we ?
Yes, run along, children. But mind you don't touch anything.
Remember, this house does not belong to Mr. Browne.
Mr. Browne, where is that book ?
I must have that spell on substitutiary locomotion.
[ Paul ] What is it, a toy shop ?
No, it's a nursery. Ain't you ever seen a nursery?
No. And neither have you.
And what is substitutiary locomotion ?
Substitutiary locomotion is the ancient and mystic art...
of causing objects to take on a life force of their own.
Why are you so interested in that ?
Because I know that it can only help the war effort.
- I must see the nature of the spell. - Precisely, my good woman.
But now you must hear my ideas.
What are you reading ?
Isle of Naboombu.
- Can't be no such place. - There is too such a place.
These pictures prove it, don't it ?
[ Charlie ] Bit weird, though, ain't it ?
Animals wearing hats and things.
Oh, I like it.
Uh, would you hold this, please ?
What do you think of that ?
Well, I don't know what to think.
Miss Price,just think how successful I could be...
with an assistant who can really do magic !
- Oh ? - Dear lady,
have you ever considered entering what some of us call ''show business'' ?
The what business ?
The theater! Pantomimes! Village fairs, the seaside.
Brighton, Blackpool, Follies on the Prom !
Mr. Browne, I have very important work to do.
Listen to me. We could make a package.
# Let us strike a bargain You possess a gift #
# But I can speak the jargon that will give your gift the needed lift #
- Oh ? - #You possess the know-how #
#And I command the show-how #
# Oh, how successful you could be #
#With me #
-I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time. -What's your name ?
- Miss Price. - No, no. Your first name, my dear.
- Eglantine. - Eglantine ?
# Eglantine Eglantine #
# Oh, how you'll shine #
#Your lot and my lot have got to combine #
# Eglantine, Eglantine Hark to the stars #
# Destiny calls us The future is ours #
#As the shine sells the boot and the blossoms the fruit #
#All you need to succeed in your plan #
# Is the proper ally upon whom to rely #
#And I'm your man #
# For I have an acumen that's nigh superhuman #
# I sell things that nobody can #
# So I humbly suggest you accept my behest #
# I'm your man #
- # Eglantine, Eglantine Oh, how you'll shine # - Mr. Browne !
- Mr. Browne, will you please stop it ? - #Your lot and my lot #
-§ Have got to combine Eglantine, Eglantine § - Mr. Browne !
- Do you hear me ? - # Hark to the stars #
- # Destiny calls us The future is ours # - Mr. Browne, I'm warning you.
#With my expert pantomiming #
#The proper taste and timing #
# I'll introduce you in the manner grand #
# I'll whet their appetite for you #
# I'll set the scene so right for you #
#We'll have the beggars eating out of your hand #
#As the words sell the tune #
#And the moonbeams the moon #
#All you need to succeed in your plan #
§ Is a champion reared with a flourish §
#And a flair #
#And I'm your man #
Do stop prancing about.
There's serious work to be done.
# I have always had a bit of a knack for witchcraft #
# Common spells and simple charms came naturally #
# So when the war began I conjured up a plan #
#To do my bit in the national emergency #
# I enrolled in your Correspondence College of Witchcraft #
#And I slaved at every lesson as it came #
# But the spell I counted on is the lesson that is gone #
# It's disappeared and you're the one to blame #
#Your suggestions are rash and your manner is brash #
#And I've no time to waste Mr. Browne #
# If I am to proceed it's that book that I need #
# Don't let me down #
# But if you'll see me through I'll discuss it with you #
§ Though I've no taste for playing the clown §
# If I meet with success then I might acquiesce #
# I won't let you down #
# Eglantine, Eglantine Oh, how you'll shine #
#Your lot and my lot have got to combine #
# Eglantine, Eglantine Hark to the stars #
# Destiny calls us The future ##
Mr. Browne, I'm warning you !
I warned you, Mr. Browne.
Now, where is the book ?
Well, where is it ?
At last, Mr. Browne !
The Spells of Astoroth. Of course.
Oh, here's the traveling spell. This is where you got it.
Does one's nose have to twitch like this ?
Oh, you're back, Mr. Browne.
Miss Price, a word about your tactics.
I don't mind being changed into a hawk or a tiger or something with a bit of dash to it,
but always a fluffy, white rabbit-- it's intolerable !
Ah, here we are. Substitutiary locomotion.
''The ancient art of--'' etcetera.
''The spell which creates this force...
is five mystic words.
These words are--''
But the rest of the book is missing !
Now you see why I closed down the college.
- But where are the other pages ? - I haven't the foggiest.
- Listen to me, Mr. Browne! - I'm all ears.
You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book ?
Oh, I bought it from a chap in the street market.
There was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter of fact.
He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin, I ask you.
There was a sort of scuffle.
The book tore. He got one half and I got the other.
- Where's the other half now ? - Oh, it's probably been thrown away.
- But if it still exists, there's only one place to find it. - Where is that ?
[ Professor Browne ] § Portobello Road §
§ Street where the riches of ages are stowed §
§ Anything and everything a chap can unload §
§ Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road §
#You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road #
- # Rare alabaster # - # Genuine plaster #
[ Bass Voice ] #A filigreed samovar owned by the czars #
- #A pen used by Shelley # - #A new Botticelli #
#The snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars #
Made in Hong Kong. Two bob a dozen, would you say ?
- #Waterford crystal # - # Napoleon's pistols #
# Society heirlooms with genuine gems #
# Rembrandts, El Grecos Toulouse '' Lautrecos'' #
# Painted last week on the banks of the Thames #
Very interesting. But where do they sell books ?
There's a little place around the corner.
[ Browne, Children ] # Portobello Road, Portobello Road #
# Street where the riches of ages are stowed #
#Anything and everything a chap can unload #
# Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road #
#You'll meet all your chums in the Portobello Road #
Lovely to see you. Good-bye.
What I want is the other half of this book.
All in good time, my dear.
#There's pure inspiration in every creation #
# No cheap imitation Not here in me store #
#With garments as such as was worn by a duchess #
#Just once at some royal occasion of yore #
You look charming, my dear.
[ Together] # In Portobello Road Portobello Road #
#The fancies and fineries of ages are showed #
#A lady will always feel dressed a la mode #
# In frillies she finds #
# In the Portobello Road #
§ Burke's Peerage, The Bride Book The Fishmongers Guidebook §
I'm looking for the other part of this, thank you.
#A Victorian novel The Unwanted Son §
You don't understand. I'm not interested in that book.
-§ The History of Potting § -§ The Yearbook of Yachting §
#The leather bound Life of Attila the Hun §
[ Chorus ] § Portobello Road, Portobello Road §
-§ Street where the riches of ages are stowed § - [ Whistling ]
§ Artifacts to glorify a regal abode §
-§ Are hidden in the flotsam in Portobello Road § - Here !
Who do you think you are, the Queen of Sheba ?
§ Tokens and treasures Yesterday's pleasures §
§ Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old §
§ Dented and tarnished Scarred and unvarnished §
§ In old Portobello They're bought and they're sold §
§ Tokens and treasures Yesterday's pleasures §
§ Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old §
§ Dented and tarnished Scarred and unvarnished §
-§ In old Portobello, they're bought and they're sold § - This good lady is looking...
- for the other half of this book. - It's called The Spells of Astoroth.
[ Merchant ] I don't keep no torn or damaged books here.
What do you think I am, a ruddy waste paper merchant ?
#You can eat like a king in the Portobello Road #
I think, if I'm right, there's another bookstore along here somewhere.
Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you ?
Let me have a go, my dear fellow. [ Chuckles ]
- Oh ! - # Portobello Road, Portobello Road #
- Yeah ! Go on ! -§ All kinds of things are happening in Portobello Road §
§ You feel like a ballerina when you're hopping like a toad §
#When you kick your heels up down in Portobello Road #
[ Giggling ]
§§ [ Drums, Bagpipes ]
- Come on ! [ Shouting ] - Oh, yeah !
Oh, yeah !
[ Woman Shouting ]
[ Shouting Continues ]
Oh, yeah.
[ Woman ] Go around the drum now. Yeah.
[ Woman ] Oh! Oh! Oh,yeah.
Yes, play the drums.
Come on!
Oh !
You missed me.
Come on, dance.
Come on, girls.
Lovely.
- [ Bell Ringing ] - [ Man ] Closing time!
Closing time!
- Closing time. Closing time. - [ Bell Ringing ]
Closing time. Closing time.
- [ Ringing Continues ] - Bye.
- Bye.
[ Professor Browne ] # Portobello Road #
# Street where the riches of ages are stowed #
#Anything and everything a chap can unload ##
Hey, governor. Oy, tosh. Somethin' for the lady friend? Nylons ?
- [ Professor Browne ] No, thank you. - Petrol coupons ?
- Chocs for the little ones ? - No.
How about one of these, mate ? Fell off the back of a lorry.
- Do be a good chap and run away. - Would you fancy this, then ?
Ah. Now you have my undivided attention. What can I do for you ?
You are to get over to the Bookman straightaway. He wants to see you.
- You too. - Who is the Bookman...
and what right has he got to order me about ?
Under the circumstances, we better ask questions later. Excuse me.
Half a mo-- Why am I pushing this here flaming bed ?
Because, my friend, this magnificent bed once belonged to the Duke of Wellington.
- You see ? - I ain't sure I do.
It is extremely valuable, and I wish to give it to the Bookman as a present.
- All right, all right. I'll push the blasted thing. - I thought you would.
- [ Man ] Who is it ? - I brought the woman.
- And him as well. - Well, send 'em in!
- In you come. - Right. In we come !
Sorry, gov. No one told me about the stairs.
Why didn't you just bring Scotland Yard, Swinburne,
and half the household cavalry as well ?
- What's the bed for ? - It's a present for you. That's what he said.
Nothing of the sort ! The bed belongs to me.
Except for this knob, which is mine.
Be that as it may, Bookman, there's been bad blood between us long enough.
Let this glittering gift begin friendship anew.
- Draw the curtains and lock the door. - You'll be snug as a bug.
Mr. Browne, isn't that the section of the manuscript that we've been looking for ?
- Who is this person ? - Miss Eglantine Price,
a charming young woman of my acquaintance.
Miss Price, I've been looking for this other bit a long time.
Mr. Swinburne told me you were in the market making inquiries. And here we are.
I don't mind saying, to see it all together at last, there isn't much I wouldn't do.
Or haven't done, for that matter. Right, gov ?
You'll close your mouth, Swinburne ! Is that clear ?
It's all rather like a jolly detective story or jigsaw puzzle,
isn't it ?
We're both after the same spell.
You have one clue, I have the other.
Yes. In that case, the sensible thing seems to be...
for us to cooperate.
Yes. I'd rather cooperate with a cobra.
Would you prefer that I ask Swinburne...
to take the book from her?
Here, you. None of that.
- Bookman. - Yes.
I assume you're looking for the same thing I am.
May I ?
This is quite a moment for both of us.
''Substitutiary locomotion,
the lost miracle of the ancients.''
And so on and so forth. Ah ! Here we are !
''The spell which creates this force is five mystic words.
These words are--''
'' Engraved on the star that was always worn...
by the sorcerer Astoroth.''
[ Bookman ] But where are the words of the spell?
I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.
But I thought they'd be in yours !
Once again, a dead end.
I shall never know the secret.
Isn't that old Astoroth ? And there's his star.
It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.
- But why the animals ? - Towards the end of his life,
Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells...
that would make them more like humans.
The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment,
killed Astoroth and stole many of his powers.
- Including the star with the spell on it. - Possibly.
They found a ship, sailed away and were never heard of again.
However, there's a final notation in my half of the book...
saying that in the 1 7 th century...
a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea,
half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun.
Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.
- Where ? - There is, I regret to say,
no such island.
I looked for it in every chart.
The Isle of Naboombu does not exist.
Oh, it does too ! Got me own-- [ Muffled ]
- What is he trying to say ? - Nothing.
When he don't say nothing, he mumbles.
I wish the child to speak !
Now you've done it.
There is too such a place.
Got me own book. There.
Real pretty letters, ain't it ?
Let me see it.
You're not interested, Bookman. It's just a simple children's book.
- I'll be the judge of that. Give it to me. - No.
Please don't annoy me.
- Give me the book, boy. - Not likely.
Bit of a stalemate, isn't it ?
If it's all the same to you, I'd rather use me own.
Sentiment, you know.
Come along, Paul. I believe it's time to go.
Go ? How, my dear ? The door is locked.
Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind.
- You will believe in no one or anything. - I understand. The knob, Paul.
- Right. - [ Professor Browne ] Of course you do, my dear.
Do you realize we can tell them the complete truth ? They will believe nothing !
- He's up to something, you know. - Bookman!
Before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and all the occupants upon it to disappear.
Disappear ? I should like to see a cheapjack tenth-rate entertainer...
do a trick like that.
Cheapjack entertainer ? Now, that was naughty.
- All right, Paul. - Where to ?
To the Island of Naboombu. I'm very curious about that place.
Good. Bed, take us to the Island of Naboombu.
Enough of this nonsense. Get the book.
Beastly climate. I never did fancy the sea.